Assertiveness: what is it, what is it for, and how to find
The term "assertiveness" (from the English "to assert" - to assert, to uphold), in the general case, means a person's independence from surrounding opinions and external influences, which allows him to determine his behaviour independently.
In everyday life, people often adhere to the behaviours described in the transactional analysis of the Karpman triangle: "victim," "stalker," "rescuer." The same person in different situations and with different people can play different roles, represented by a triangle. Having studied these roles' characteristics, we can conclude that none of them is profitable, so you should not stick to any indicated positions. What model of behaviour then adhere to?
The principle characterizes the assertive model: "I owe you nothing, you owe me nothing, we are partners" is fundamentally different and just more profitable.
Assertiveness is a model of behaviour when the interests of the interacting parties are fully taken into account (full cooperation). However, each side perceives the other as being equal in all aspects, showing respect and taking into account the rights and freedoms of each party (its and its partner). In other words, assertiveness is a calm, confident, moderately insistent upholding of one's rights and interests without infringing on others' rights and interests.
According to psychologists, assertiveness is one of the essential factors for achieving success because all people live in society. Therefore, effective interaction with representatives of the community will contribute to productive life: success in work (business), material wealth, in the family (family relationships), etc.
In connection with the above, the development of assertiveness should be given due attention. First of all, to gain assertiveness (as well as to implement any change), you need to want to change when desire is like a necessity, and not so that "it would not be bad ...".
Moreover, it should come from within and not from somewhere outside. Without proper desire, the probability of a change will be minimal (if at all). If you have a significant desire, you can already work on yourself, implementing a tripartite (integrated) approach to gaining assertiveness. It should be noted right away that this approach should be performed with the appropriate help of a psychologist or psychotherapist. This specialist knows the necessary methods for making changes. The indicated approach is as follows.
1. Change the system of their beliefs by adopting the fundamental ideas (rights) of an assertive personality. That is what constitutes the primary purpose of the change being implemented. Psychologists distinguish the following principal rights of a confident personality, some of which may already be forgotten by some people: the right to express one's opinion and change it at any time; the right to say yes or no; the right to make mistakes and be responsible for them; the right to ask for something else; the right to say "I do not understand" and "I do not know"; the right to be oneself, not adapting to others, and not to depend on the attitude of others to oneself; the right to be illogical in decision making; the right to say, "I don't care."
2. To acquire healthy (adequate) self-esteem, a person's ideas about the value, importance, and significance of their qualities, activities, and personality. The primary (but not the only) component of healthy self-esteem is self-acceptance. The implemented change will be based on adequate self-esteem and take a specific form.
3. Develop the skills of assertive behaviour, which will be the "executive mechanisms" that implement assertiveness. There are a lot of similar capabilities, but the following can be cited as an example: the ability to differentiate responsibilities so as not to take responsibility for others; the ability to express one's feelings directly concerning something (for example, "dislike" or "feel doubt") without the need to justify them.
